Are You Dating Someone with a Traumatic Childhood?
Statistics reported that approximately 26% of American children will witness or experience trauma before age four. They also revealed that “60% of adults report experiencing abuse or other difficult family circumstances during childhood.”
Could the person you’re dating have a traumatic childhood?
Childhood trauma can take many different forms, including incidents like:
- physical abuse
- sexual abuse
- emotional abuse
- physical neglect
- emotional neglect
- drug or alcohol overuse
- psychiatric disorders
According to UCLA psychologists, adults can experience post-traumatic stress disorder even if they don’t remember a terrible event from their early years.
Here are the telltale signs that you’re dating someone with unresolved scars from childhood:
They react in a childlike way.
Suppose you often find your partner to be childish despite their age. Perhaps, they tend to react unpredictably and may appear irresponsible or immature.
They tend to be much more emotional and less logical. These are signs that they might not have fully undergone certain developmental stages. In other words, they have not fully matured as most people.
Hence, they can’t perceive things objectively and tend to take everything personally. For example, they might feel upset and go into an emotional rage with the illogical reasoning of a toddler whenever you disagree with them.
They have an insecure attachment style.
They might have trust issues with you. Whenever they feel unsafe or threatened, they easily get frightened or scared. They’re likely to fear losing people close to them — especially you.
Perhaps, they weren’t given constant reassurance from their parents or caregivers. They are also prone to withdrawal and isolating themselves.
They tend to believe they’re unlovable if you reject them, resulting in depression or anxiety problems. They might develop dangerous attachment styles that exhibit being fearful, preoccupied, and dismissive.
They have low self-esteem.
Do they often say, “I’m not good enough” or “I feel worthless”?
Low self-esteem is sometimes caused by early abuse, neglect, or other traumatic experiences. When traumatized as a child, they may develop fears, phobias, and depression.
They may also feel guilty and ashamed of themselves. Hence, their self-belief is tainted, and they’ll need reassurance from their partner.
They engage in risky behaviors.
They have unhealthy coping mechanisms. Hence, they’re susceptible to dangerous, harmful, or illegal activities.
Examples of risky behaviors are smoking cigarettes or drinking alcohol, having unprotected sex, using drugs, abusing household chemicals, or engaging in reckless driving.
How can you help your partner overcome the negative repercussions of childhood trauma?
Experiencing trauma as an innocent child can be a heavy blow to anyone. There is, however, still a glimmer of hope.
Let’s be honest — it’s going to be extremely difficult. You, as their partner, need to be considerate and compromise when necessary.
You’re going to be their everything. Hence, it’s going to be a daunting responsibility.
You can help your partner recover from stressful events in their life by showing resilience and encouraging them to stay strong. It’s also crucial to persuade them to seek professional help and receive treatment as early as possible.
It has been shown that coping strategies such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) are effective in treating persistent trauma reactions in children and adolescents. Through CBT and other trauma-focused techniques, they can become more adaptive in understanding and coping with trauma-related cognitive distortions, like self-blame.
Ultimately, only they have the power to save themselves from the remnants of a traumatic childhood by taking the necessary actions. As their partner, you can walk alongside them on their journey toward healing.
